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Mafia Gazette Past Issue 74
The Mafia Gazette Issue 74 For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Monday 9th January 'ANOTHER MADE UNDER ATTACK ' For the past two days Jill_Sinclair, Made Woman in Las Vegas has found herself and her bodyguards fighting off literally dozens of attackers. More have appeared since Relapsed announced to the street that Ms Sinclair had been supplying guns to The Conceptualists, a fact hat Ms Sinclair has denied. Our reporter managed to catch up with Ms Sinclair and spoke to her about the allegations brought by Relapsed. She told us this: “With regards to the allegations made by Relapsed I can but only laugh given the fact that my family and those of the Conceptualists have bad blood dating back to before the arrival of many families here today. I have never supplied any of them with a pistol and do not intend to. I find this whole situation quite laughable and do wish that Mr. Relapsed had done some deeper digging before he decided to toss mud in my direction. I do hope that he can see the error in his assumptions and we can all carry on with our daily business.” The majority of the attackers being fended off manfully by Ms Sinclair’s bodyguards have been Shadow Soldiers or part of A.R.M. and there is speculation that the announcement has been used as a flimsy excuse to get rid of the Made Woman following an incident where Relapsed visited the Coffee Shop jointly owned and run by Ms Sinclair and was asked to behave himself following several customer complaints about his conduct. When he did not moderate his behaviour, he was shunned by the rest of the customers and stormed out. It was only after this incident that Ms Sinclair started being targeted by the Shadow Soldiers. Another Made may be wiped off our streets if these attacks do not stop, although while false rumours and propaganda are being spread by Relapsed, claiming Ms Sinclair is in cahoots with a group that she has nothing to do with and is in fact in dispute with, we can see no end to the fools who end up in the cemetery at the hands of her Bodyguards. Many have tried, and the many have failed Relapsed was not available for comment at the time of writing as he was once again in jail. A local police spokesman stated that he always spent the night in jail, as he felt it was safer than being out on the streets. There is speculation that Relapsed is himself a police informer, which is why he gets preferential treatment, and is left unmolested by Bubba. This rumour remains unconfirmed. 'RELAPSED BITTER OVER BROKEN DEALS ' by Brighid Maxwell The past few days have seen a lot of finger pointing, but none with as much frequency as Relapsed, self-professed leader of the Shadow Soldiers. The ink on the last edition of the Gazette was still damp when Relapsed hit the Streets, telling anyone who would listen that he was "backstabbed" by the Conceptualists. An alliance between the two groups has been rumoured for quite some time, but the news that both leaders admitted the previous dealings is still shaking the foundations of many cities, most prominently in LA, with the demise of several prominent LAA members. A source notes that with each LAA member passing away, those same fingers have been pointed at the issue of gun running to members outside of their own family. Many have noted, however, that the Shadow Soldiers lack a leader that is able to provide for his own family, buying guns from the same system that the trumped up charges lie at the feet of. With more and more Conceptual-like slayings being attributed to the Shadow Soldiers, some say that this is not a new policy within the family of Relapsed. Sources don't deny the recently uncovered policy of random mugging/wacking, and also mention that the first thing to remember in this particular family is "lie to protect the image" if caught, kill those outspoken against them, and if at all possible, have someone else shoot (Conceptualists for hire). With threats being uttered by Relapsed openly now in the face of harsh and just critics by those who see his previous and now-tarnished reputation as a peacemaker "a complete farce", he must certainly be regretting his inability to stand in the face of adversary, his own lack of finesse and diplomacy signalling the ruin of his much-questioned legacy. His own men arming the Conceptualists as recently as the last edition of the Gazette, some are predicting fall-out from both Relapsed and the Conceptualists. Sources deep within both organizations hint heavily at money stockpiles for bodyguards as well as detailed flight plans, as pride, rather than business, readies to wage war. 'OUT OF SIGHT, UNDER FIRE ' By KudosJr On January 8th at approximately 6:50pm an argument broke out in the jail's between blueeyesbaby and several members of MasterSaw's crew, who would unexpectedly become part of was soon to turn into a horrific massacre. During this jail sentence, blueeyesbaby was heard saying something along the lines of, "Even if you kill me I will be back and I will kill Saw and all of his crew." The next episode in this eventful story was the killing of blueeyesbaby, which took place at 7:03pm when she was eliminated by Babby_birdy. Glad that the troublemaker had finally met her maker, MasterSaw's crew relaxed but soon enough, fate cruelly breathed its worst over NavyMan, as he too took a long walk off a short pier, resting at the bottom of the sea. Although the death may not be related to the incident, this reporter feels the need to point out the fact that NavyMan and MegaMillions were both involved in the incident in the jail yard, and therefore a link has to be drawn, as MegaMillions too took a nap with fishes at 7:16pm. After an intercepted message revealed that Shaker was supposed to eliminate the entire gang of comrades there and then that night, MasterSaw called upon the crew to take refuge within the confines of their safe-city, and were allegedly reported to have been ordered to bring guns and support. At 7:40pm revenge was exacted and Babby_birdy became the most current member to take a nosedive into the ocean weighted with a concrete block. The bloodbath had to end there though as remaining members stayed out of sight and out of mind. What has been a most eventful night may be concluded tonight unless matters are resolved. All the information is correct at time of press and I have been informed recently that Shaker remained in jail throughout the incident leaving us to wonder who exactly are these revenge exacters and when will they stop? 'CONSPIRACY THEORIES ' By: Jerry Fletcher So I says to the guy, "If all Eyetalians are Europeans, and all Europeans are a steamer away from Ellis Island, what's that gotta do with the price of fish?". He says, "I dunno, but I bet Relapsed is behind it". And you know what? Smartest thing I's ever heard, and I hears a lot if you know what I'm sayin'. That Relapsed, he gets in the street and he stands on his there soapbox and says "Peace" but as soon as he gets ya in his backroom, it's wheelin' and dealin. For what, yous gotta be sayin' to yaself. Well, he ain't a made so somebody gotta be putting guns into those Shadow Soldiers of his, right? Well I have it on good authority that his supplier ain't just supplying him, if you know what I'm sayin'. He outright admits that he was in cahoots with the Conceptualists! You shoulda heard him shoutin' and hollerin' in the streets. "You Conceptualists should have seen this coming…you wanna backstab me then take your punishment." That don't sound like the words of a peaceful man, do it? That ain't the only thing I heard. With everyone pointin' at the other guys, the only guys I think got a pretty clear objective and ain't hiding nuttin' (well, beyond who hands them the moola and who points them in the direction of their targets, and I still gotsta say that Relapsed causes an awful lot o' stink for someone who ain't got his paws in that too) are the Conceptualists themselves. Sure, those guys (they ain't men, men gots balls and honor) be wack happy and chock full of pride fer nuttin' more than pulling a trigger, but the cities is falling. And it ain't them I am lookin' at, because misfits with guns ain't ever gonna rise above their station. It's those Shadow Soldiers, and the preacher of peace himself. Those boys got rules that no man ain't been asked to follow before. When a man runs a family, and tells them to mug and shoot anyone that ain't a made or a brother, that ain't a family. That's three dimes short of a bus fare, and you gotta wonder why people like him are still allowed to ride the bus. 'THE GOOD LIFE ' by Graceless With the booming life that just embodies the LA scene (Vaudeville will live forever), there are a few places that just don't seem up to being able to cater to the new demand. And frankly, there just is no room in the bar district for those who can't embrace change. I've been to a lot of swank new openings for hotspots in my day, but when a relative nobody to the restaurant world opens up a hole in the wall for "fine dining", I tend to be wary. And I do so love to be right. Drink N' Dine Inc is so fresh-faced that they still have a Help Wanted sign in the door. Help would have been fantastic. Maybe I would have seen some service! The menu itself was in shambles. Fine Dining? Sure, if you eat in bowling alleys. $22 for a steak? Perhaps the owner, KnateMcDonald, isn't aware that cows reproduce? Sure, we may be able to divide this city into the "have" and "have not", but even Depression-weary media moguls aren't going to be paying those prices for a steak when they can get one next door for $2.25. Made of money sure don't mean that they are going to spend it. The good life is across the street, enjoying customer service. 'TMIAM... A SECRET SOCIETY OR SOMETHING MORE SINISTER? ' By: Two Very Evil, Very Deceitful Men. There have been many threads about how the death rates these days need to be curbed. My understanding is that strategy and the power of words is always more powerful than the gun. The gun is not persuasive enough. So an associate and I decided through a very silly conversation to work out a strategy to get this saying into a certain person's profile. TMIAM. Many do not know what it means, but through the word of mouth, many now contain this term. That is point one. People underestimate how much potential the word has opposed to the gun, for the gun will do nothing more than eradicate other family's, including your own. Point number two. Think logically about the situation. If you have a goal, may it be build a criminal empire or put a stupid line in someone's profile, you must think of how such goals could be accomplished. My Associate (we'll call him Mr. X. from now on) and I devised a strategy in which we knew how to weaken our opponent into submission. We knew his ultimate weakness... his... well... to put it quite frank... compulsive nature to be as cool as me. So... how do we make it look as though that we are not setting him up? We use the power of the word to get other people to put it into their profiles. After this, it would not appear to be a harmful strategy against the person. Stealthy and effective. Many people have wondered though what this term means. Well, for your efforts in helping us fight a tough fight, we will tell you just what it means. And to the person concerned (you know who you are) this is for telling people that i was your whore!! TIES MUM IS A MILF!! I'd like to thank many a people for helping me work this into Tie's profile. Point number three. Friends and allies are the most powerful of weapons. 'DARK’S CORNER ' By: Dark-Side Hey people, and here’s another rant from little old me. Always have an alibi Here's another one that has served me well in life. The general perception is that wise guys are crooked; personally, I think Hollywood movie executives are even more crooked. I remember reading about an executive that would green light a movie and then write two memos. One was about how great he thought the movie would do, and stated his full support for the project. The other memo detailed his worries about the movie and how they should not do the project, but he's acting on the advice of his lieutenants. The end result: if the movie was a big hit, the executive took all the credit and glory. If the movie flopped, he could pull out his cautionary memo and say, "I warned you" to his bosses. For the record, Heidi Fleiss had one hell of a business going -- wouldn't have minded getting a few points off her every week. Regret is a terrible thing my friends. If you want to be a wise guy or a serious businessman, you have to dress the part. Oh, you like to wear sweat pants and slippers to work? Well, grow up. If you want to be taken seriously, then wear a suit, some nice leather shoes, shirt, and tie. Not convinced? A good way to see how much more seriously you will be taken if you wear a suit, is to get all dressed up and simply go shopping at a mall. Walk into store after store, and you will be addressed more quickly, politely and with an abundance of respect if you are well dressed (in a suit of course). What kind of service do you think you would get if you walked in dressed like Eminem? They'd call security on you. Same thing in the business world; if you look like a clown, then you'll get treated like a sideshow. Well that’s it for today, stay safe and look good. 'GUIDANCE, WISDOM AND TRAUMA ' By Miguel Every issue, I will answer as many questions I can, submitted by you, the reader. Please mobmail me with your question(s) as often as you’d like. By contributing to my column, you are contributing to the ever-growing popularity of this fine newspaper. Miguel, The answer to this question has eluded me for years maybe you can answer it for me. How do so many people with their heads up their asses get oxygen? Jill_Sinclair Dear Jill, That is probably the most intelligent question I’ve ever heard, so I’m going to take it seriously. Let’s just say that I know a guy who can suck air in through his anus…the rest would fall into place after that, I would think. Signed, Miguel …is not worried at all about the homoerotic reference that might be read wrong. ********** Dear Miggypie, Where's my bedside coffee maker? I thought you were going to install one for me. Satine Satine, my dear It’s coming. I called the guys at the shop, and it was on backorder. So I’ve been spending my free time doing this: *picks up some bowling pins and starts juggling in hopes to distract you* Signed, Miguel ********** Dear Miguel, I have a really hard decision to make and I need a bit of help. What color underwear should I wear on my honeymoon? Sincerely Underwearless, Suzanne Dear underwearless wonder, It all depends who you’re with…if you’re with your husband, my I suggest testing him by wearing white, granny panties with an equally unattractive bra. However, if you’re with me in the back room during the reception, may I suggest an easily manoeuvrable thong (blacks and reds work) and a nice lacy, matching bra…both satin, if possible. Signed, Mesmerized Miguel 'OBITUARIES ' GothicAngel: Born: Oct 29th 11:54AM in Dallas Died: Jan 7th 4:34PM in Las Vegas Rank: Made Man ** 2006-01-07 17:02 – Charlie: This world has done you an injustice. You did not deserve this. Rest in peace, Charlie. ** ** 2006-01-07 19:29 – Time: It’s not a cry you hear at night, It's not somebody who's seen the light, It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah... RIP you... ** PauloDiBurdeno: Born: Nov 21st 3:37AM in Los Angeles Died: Jan 7th 4:50AM in Los Angeles Rank: Made Man ** 2006-01-07 04:56 - Baby_Buns: Paulo my friend my heart is broken ...Mafia lost a good man today to cowards.. RIP ** ** 2006-01-07 14:20 - Albert-Neri: Although we rubbed shoulders in the same circles, we never did get to meet and shake hands. This is my loss. By all accounts you were a man of honour and respect. May your soul find Peace RIP Neri *Lays a red rose on the coffin* ** Moran: Born: Nov 19th 9:44PM in Las Vegas Died: Jan 7th 12:37AM in Los Angeles Rank: Gangster ** 2006-01-07 00:48 – BarbieDahl: **Walks to the casket, and kisses your cheek, tears running down her face.** Maybe now is not the time to say "I told you so", but I did. Dammit Moran, You never listen to me. You really were my best friend. You are most awesome. I love you babe. No one can ever take your place. You are one of a kind. **Kisses your cheek again, then places four dozen long stem red roses on casket, and some onions, then walks away** ** ** 2006-01-07 09:56 – PuckII: Gah, another friend I can't mail anymore :( This day is going right down the pan. RIP ** Witchy: Born: Nov 27th 6:41PM in Los Angeles Died: Jan 6th 5:08PM in Detroit Rank: Made Man ** 2006-01-06 17:47 - Ralphie_The_Gun: RIP Witchy, My boss at one point, and despite her criticism a great woman ** 2006-01-07 19:38 - Hammers* has a 2 minute silence* RIP witchy, you shall be deeply missed. *leaves the funeral with a tear in his eye* Woota: Born: Oct 8th 12:20PM in Los Angeles Died: Jan 6th 6:12PM in Los Angeles Rank: Made Man ** 2006-01-06 18:48 – YungVito: *tips hat* RIP ** **2006-01-07 07:10 – Romo: I felt a poem was the only fitting way to go... Woota Wasn't Gay, Despite what some would say, So he joined the LAA, He tried to play it straight, After kill two hundred and eight, So he will always be my mate! RIP ** Vanity: Born: Oct 19th 10:29PM in Chicago Died: Jan 5th 8:04PM in Las Vegas Rank: Street Boss ** 2006-01-05 20:48 – Skilgannon: Vanity.....this is a most tragic loss for the community, you truly were Miss Mafia through and through. RIP, my beautiful friend. ** ** 2006-01-06 01:26 – SirMagicalTrevor: Ah Vanity, I was only just getting to know you too, such a shame and waste of a good mafioso :( *Lays a rose* Rest In Peace ** 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. 02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC) Come one come all to the new Country Bar and grill in the wonderful downtown Las Vegas!! I can guarantee that you will like what you see! In our Friendly Environment you will find great service, and that we really care for our wonderful customers. Our top notch service can not be beat so come on in and get off your feet! 02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC) Little J's Las Vegas Place if the place for you to come on down and have a good time We have daily menu specials, including the house special! Our service can not be beat so come on down get off your feet and have a drink with the other Mafiosi of or wonderful city of Las Vegas 02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC) Reminding everyone of the weekly KittyLitter Lotto. Last weeks winner of ticket 330 received about $90k. To try your luck at this exciting Mafia venture contact me, ANgryKitten. In brief.... - Tickets cost $250 each - you can buy as many as you like - draw is at 6am each Friday For full rules and details see my advert in the streets or contact me direct. ANgryKitten LA's finest money handler. 02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC) 'Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand and will be paid for. Normal articles will receive $5,000 and outstanding items will receive $10,000. '